Venting one shots
by TheInsanelyCoolJordanMichael
Summary: Just a place to vent. Contains DEH, BMC, and Hamilton


**Inspiration: Words Fail/Michael in the Bathroom**

 **Fandom: Hamilton**

 **Ship: Hamburr, Burria, Semi-platonic!Abusive!Jeffmads**

 **Triggers: Vivid description of panic attacks, Alex, cheating, abuse**

 **A/N: Oof end me please. Not at all canon compliant. Just to clarify- Burr had the affair in this, not Hamilton. Sorta a sonfic style- Also. Explaining Aaron's texts. Historically, he was abused by his uncle, but my canons for Burr are that his parents were shot in front of his eyes, and he was passed around from foster home to foster home, being abused, neglected, and forgotten, mentally damaging him.**

 **ALSO YOU CAN JUST SEE THE BMC REFERENCES-**

 _The Reynolds Pamphlet. Have you read this?_

Alexander Hamilton looked over a paper that Philip Hamilton- Aaron Burr and his adoptive **son,** handed him. His eyes scanned the words, before he stopped. _My real crime was an amorous connection with his wife, Alexander being absent on a visit to his ex's._ "No." was all Alex could manage, a weak voice. "Aaron couldn't have. He couldn't..."

 ** _Burr's POV_**

Aaron felt a _buzz_ as he got a text. Ignoring it, he continued writing. See, that was one thing he and Alex had in common. Neither of then would give their writing up for anything. He looked at his phone in confusion after he got several notifications. The one that he noticed most was from Alexander. A picture message of that damned pamphlet and a short [We need to talk.] His heart skipped a beat, as he sent back, [Alright. You can yell as much as you want, you can hit, kick, punch, choke me. Literally all I ask is that I stay alive.] He sighed, pressing send. He got an immediate response. [Aaron, I may be upset, but I can't hurt you. I can't. I won't. OK?] [No. No. Please. Please. Please. Please. Don't lie. Don't lie to me.] Aaron sent, shaking.

 _ **Trigger Warning: Panic attack-NOW**_

 _I never meant to make it such a mess_

Aaron tried desperately to get back to his work, but couldn't focus. he was getting nonstop notifications, further forcing him to think of how he hurt everyone, publishing that damn pamphlet. He glanced at the screen, but his vision was blurred over with tears. As he threw his phone across the room, a loud **thud** as it hit the wall, before he abruptly stood up, shaking intensely, not able to do much. "Fuck..." he whispered, voice shaking, almost as bad he, himself, is.

 _ **knock**_

 _ **knock**_

 _ **knock**_

 _ **knock**_

There was a pounding, that sounded like it was from the door. "I- one second-" Aaron forced out, voice shaking.

 _ **KNOCK  
KNOCK  
KNOCK  
KNOCK**_

The knocking sounds got louder, as his cries softened, and he shouted, "It's OK! Come in!"

 ** _KNOCK  
KNOCK  
KNOCK  
KNOCK_**

The knocks got louder, as he started to feel more trapped.

 _ **CLANG  
CLANG  
CLANG  
CLANG**_

Aaron just broke down, crying harder, and screaming. Alex could hear him, and said, "Philip, watch for Angie. I have to go-" as he just out, looking for Aaron.

 ** _BANG  
BANG  
BANG  
BANG_**

Aaron couldn't stop sobbing and screaming, shaking violently. Alex opened the door to their office, and saw Aaron. "No... god..." He muttered, seeing his usually unexpressive boyfriend having a panic attack

 _ **I WISH I'D JUST OFFED MYSELF INSTEAD, WISH I WAS NEVER BORN!**_

"Hey, Aaron, breathe, please. Deep, slow breaths." Alex whispered, sitting by Aaron. "N-no...! Go away! Alex, go away! Go! I can't-" He started to shout, before sobbing again, losing his breath. "Shit. Aaron. AARON! Stay with me. It's OK. YOu're OK. Stay awake. Don't do this to me. Don't do this to me. Can someone die from panic attacks?! I can't lose you. I can't lose you. I can't lose you. Don't do this to me. Aaron, don't do this to me. Please don't do this to me. Please." Alex said quickly. Aaron was crying really hard, hiding into his knees, before he blacked out, unable to deal with the stress and panic. Alex didn't know what happened, before he stopped hearing the sobs. "A-Aaron...?" No answer. "AARON!" Still no answer. "Aaron, this isn't funny! Shit. SHIT." He took his phone out of his pocket, dialing Madison.

 ** _Trigger warning over_**

"What do you need, Hamilfuck." James greeted him, boredly.

"Don't call me that. It's about Aaron."

"You found the papers."

"Yes- but, that's not it-"

"Oh?"

"He just had some sorta breakdown, and he was crying, and oh god, I think he passed out, and I can't lose someone else."

"Alright. I'll be there as soon as I can. SHould I bring Jefferson?"

"No!"

"Alright. Stay by him. OK?'

"OK."

"And Alex, breathe,"

"...Thank you." Alex then hung up, and moved next to Aaron, moving his head, so he was more sitting. He moved again, laying him down. Aaron seemed limp, slightly shaking, still unconscious.

James opened the door, and yelled, "WHERE ARE YOU TWO?!"

"Upstairs, 3rd on the left!"

James followed the directions Alex said, and knocked the door.

 _Knock_

 _Knock_

 _Knock_

 _Knock_

"Unlocked."

James opened the door, and looked for the two, finding them in a corner. "Aw..." He sighed, sympathetically. His phone gave the text tone, signalling that Thomas sent a message. The light in his eyes flickered out, taking out his phone. He sighed, and sent a message back, before sitting by Aaron. _Ding!_ He ignored it for a second. _Ding! Ding! Ding!_ Thomas clearly wasn't giving up,. James just rolled his eyes, and silenced his phone, looking a little worried as he did so. Aaron opened his eyes, shaky, but calmer.

"Mmgh... why.. where..." he muttered, head spinning.

"Shh.. Aaron, it's OK. You just had a little panic attack, and I think you blacked out. You're OK. You're fine. It's OK." James whispered to him, keeping his voice steady. He was pretty good friends with Aaron, but was surprisingly good at seeming neutral, going that he gets panic attacks easily as well.

"Hm...? Wha-"

He tried to sit up, but James said, "No, it's better to stay laying down."

"I feel so useless just laying down... I mean... I am useless..."

"No you aren't."

"Yes I am. Even if I'm not, I don't deserve Alex. I hurt him!" Aaron shouted, eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, Aaron, please don't cry."

Aaron wiped his eyes, but he quickly was crying again. "I didn't want to hurt you, Alex. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't. I swear, I just- she was in the same situation I was all those years ago. She looked so helpless, and I wanted to help her, but before I could leave-"

"Hey, Aaron?" Alex said, sitting next to Aaron again

"...yeah...?"

"I forgive you. I always will."


End file.
